My Past is a Graveyard and My Mind the Tomb
by Euregatto
Summary: The nightmare doesn't end, even when Trost is so, so far behind them. Request; Eren x Annie x Mina, Mina x Millius [Warning: PTSD]


_Forgot to post this after I put it up on tumblr and the SnK Kinkmeme. But now it has a title, haha. A request fill for Reknownst, because I can't pass up an opportunity to make a three-way out of my otps._

**Prompt**: Find some way that Mina survives alongside Eren and Armin only for her to discover that her best friend Annie is actually the female titan.

I would love if:  
+Mina displays symptoms of PTSD  
++ She scolds Eren for having seemingly forgotten about Millius and the rest of the squad that died at Trost  
+++ If Mina x Eren x Annie  
++++ If Mina feels guilty about the feelings for Eren because of her feelings for Millius and Annie's interest in Eren.  
So basically, anything with Mina surviving Trost and not being killed off literally one episode after her introduction, and a little bit of minor character love.

_-Let me know what you thought~_

**.**

**.**

**.**

She has nightmares about Trost sometimes.

She can taste the ash of burning buildings poisoning the air, smell the spilled blood of her comrades smeared across her hands, sticky against her skin like adhesive glue - and her muted scream registers as an emotionless ring when she realizes the crimson gunk tucked up under her nails belongs to Millius, screams because no matter how many times she reaches her arm out to save him, a Titan lunges up, snaps it jaws closed, and swallows her whole.

She wakes up screaming, wishing that it was Millius who pulled her against his chest instead of Eren, wishes it was Millius who ran his hand along her back, wishes so, so strongly is was Millius who stayed with her until the sun came up, but she welcomes his arms all the same.

She misses Millius more and more with each passing nightmare, and her episodic stress has been affecting her, and as a result, everyone in the Scouting Legion around her (outburst, crying, screaming, panic attacks). So when she seeks comfort in Eren about Millius, she's thoroughly enraged by his following "Who?"

"How could you?!" She snaps, shoving Eren in the chest so he rams into the wall behind him. "HOW COULD YOU FORGET HIM?!"

"I didn't!" He denies quickly, dodging out of her next punch. "Whoa! Mina, chill the fuck out!"

"You forgot about him you asshole! Don't you DARE tell me to _chill_!" She's so, so angry with him, with herself, with Armin for saving her last second when he should have left her to die with Millius and Thomas and every other soldier she ever truly cared for. "YOU'RE the one who lead them all to their deaths! We followed you blindly like a bunch of _idiots_ and what did it gets us?! NOTHING! And now they're all dead because of YOU!"

She swings another punch aimed for his face and the next thing she knows he's utilizing a technique he learned from Annie - _oh Annie, what do you see in someone like this, why would you have kissed him that night on graduation, what do you see that I don't?_ - to pin her back against the wall and pinning her arms at the side of her head by her wrists.

"I said calm the fuck down!" He hisses bitterly into her ear.

She struggles fruitlessly in his grasp, gasping out her sobs. "How could you forget him, Eren? Did you forget all of them?"

"Of course not, Mina," he answers quietly, soothingly, "of course not… it was just a sudden question, and I've been trying so hard to keep those memories from haunting me I just-"

Her lips meet his. The kiss is abrupt and uncalled for, a combination of her pent up jealousy because Annie sees more in him than she ever will in her own best friend and her blithely ignorant anger at the boy for leading the team to death. And she feels so, so guilty for daring to try and take him from Annie, only for this moment, for trying to pretend that he is Millius when he is so obviously, obviously not.

She cannot deny the way her stomach coiled with rage when she watched them through the crack in the bedroom door, gaze blank and emotionless as he pinned Annie to the mattress with his dick, speared into the apex of her womanhood and gasped with untamed pleasure as the blonde writhed and moaned beneath him. She imagined that was her and Millius, but no matter how intensely she tries to let her fantasy block out her stress it isn't her screaming out in sheer ecstasy as she comes, nor is it Millius panting her name when he releases deep within her; it CAN'T be them, it will NEVER be them.

And she cannot deny the way she cried when Annie was the Female Titan who killed all those soldiers in the forest, who transformed into that crystal without so much as explaining herself for all the horrible, horrible things she's done. Yet, still, she manages to find Eren coping with his days better than she can, even when Trost is so far behind them.

How can he manage so well? Didn't he love Annie, like she loved Millius?

It's the remembrance of his death that has Mina reeling back out of the kiss, tears already spilling from her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispers, "I'm so, so sorry, I wasn't thinking, Eren, I…"

He pulls her against him, locking his arms around the slender frame of her back. "I know it hurts," he mutters under his breath, sliding his hand along the familiar notches of her spine, "and I know there's no way you can stop the pain… but you can't keep going like this, Mina. Millius and Annie would want you – us – to live."

And she cries against him for what could possibly be the hundredth time these last three months, because he will never be Millius, and she can never, ever have him.

**.**

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**.**


End file.
